Summary of this page
- I love my mother even more than anyone and anything else as I know she loves me too, and this love led me through impenetrable darkness to save her and consequently to save the world.
- My mother’s favourite song has “of course” always been AVE MARIA (!), which I bring here – together with “Maria, Maria” and “Dear little mother” to express my unconditional love to her.
- My mother suffered immensely because of my “craziness” and was left alone with the thought that there is only one thing worse, which is that Stig tells the truth also making her the Blessed Mother.
- My mother had INCREDIBLE feelings for me and sufferings when we did not see each other, and she was thinking about killing herself in 2010, which was only avoided because of energy I sent her.
- The love of my mother and I was tested when my sister influenced our mother against me, which brought my mother and I our extreme sufferings and deadly “sicknesses” – and salvation too.
- When growing up I could not handle my mother’s uncontrollable temper, which removed my confidence, a love-life and made me in-going giving me immense suffering when not being the man I am.
- My mother’s destiny of life was to become “simple minded” and receptive to authorities around her to form her life and opinions – with my destiny being the opposite to form the opinions of the world!
- My spirituality was difficult for my mother to “deal” with, and when I transmitted wrong spiritual messages of my mother’s mother because of her own darkness (!), I had “of course” become crazy!
- My mother hurt much when I was hospitalised – nobody understood that only by following my spiritual voice without knowing what was true/wrong, I would follow the road of God to save the world!
- I could tell my mother “basic parts” of my story over and over again and still it was “completely impossible” for her to understand shaking her head in disbelief, which caused me immense pain.
- Incredible strong darkness tried to make me impatient, annoyed and careless about my not understanding mother to “remove her”, which would have ended the world, but love brought us through.
- My mother/family knew that spirits worked inside of me, but still it was “impossible” for them to put together the puzzle I had given them to understand – with this memo being the last brick!
- The worst nightmare of my mother was to chose between Sanna and I and to see us and the family being separated – and I saved my mother from her “aggressive cancer” using energy I did not have.
- Extreme feelings and concerns of my mother brought MUCH pain and the only thing I REALLY had to be concerned about was the misunderstood concerns of my mother and family!
- My mother and sister/family spoke wrongly about me behind my back unawarely humiliating me – and their misunderstandings as “poor communicators” broke with me as a “good communicator”.
- I passed “extreme monitoring” by my mother and sister to show that I was not untidy and irresponsible as a “mental patient”, but “normal” (!), which truly made me suffer because I was a living dead!
- My mother hurt EXTREMELY being an adoptive child without growing up in a “normal family” also including a father – her real mother took the secret of her real father with her in the grave, almost …
- My mother loved speaking about the “simple things in life” on the contrary to me, which often made our conversations difficult – and feelings of inferiority, indecisiveness etc. made her suffer too.
- On one hand my mother would have liked to help me financially even more than she did and was “allowed” to, and on the other hand she asked me to reduce my help to LTO, which made me very sad.
Below follows the full version of this page.
The love and sufferings brought to me by my mother saved the world after we went through immense sufferings all of our life to defeat “impenetrable darkness”
I love my mother even more than anyone and anything else as I know she loves me too, and this love led me through impenetrable darkness to save her and consequently to save the world
I have written about Karen, my sister and father that I love them “more than anything”, which is true, and normally there is nothing above “anything”, but in my case there is, because there is one person, whom I love even more than “anyone else” and that is of course my mother, and this I say with “pride, in the name of love” – it is absolutely no shame to admit that you love your mother as so many cold men cannot (!) – which is also to bring one of my favourite songs here by U2 because this is “a sort of homecoming” to me to write this chapter finalising the work on this entire memo :-).
My mother has a TRUE love, joy, inner warmth, enthusiasm, laugh and care as NO ONE else in the world – and I do mean NO ONE (!) – which is the short explanation to why I love her higher than anyone else
And the reason is simply that these are the feelings of the mother of the Son of God, which she of course receives by her own spiritual self (!) and you do remember that the mother of Jesus used to be called the blessed Virgin Mary, and in this life of hers, she is my blessed mother, Lona, and the Holy Spirit of the world – and I am looking equally as much forward to seeing my mother in full glory as my father and that goes with many others too :-).
There is absolutely nothing my mother would not do to help me because of her love to me, which includes ALL kind of help including seeing each other, practical help including dinners/gifts/money, which she has given me much of for example lately when I moved to Helsingør in October 2011, and “everything else” and the only thing missing is really what matters the absolutely most to me: To fully understand who I am, my writings and teachings and to be open about it, and without this understanding – which she had to receive through my sister, who had the “key” of the family to understand me – my mother has unwillingly and unknowingly made me suffer as immensely as one can imagine, which basically is what this memo is about.
Because of our love, I decided to do everything I could – surpassing all of my limits as a human being – to “save her” as part of “the game” of my journey going through darkness impossible to penetrate and really because of my will power with the attitude that “nothing is going to hurt my mother”! This is how it is, this is how it has always been and will always be. This is the simple truth, which nothing can take from me, and this is the truth I kindly ask my mother NEVER to forget. My mother knows that this is how it is – even though she was made in doubt by the misunderstandings of my sister during my journey (!) – and I know that my mother feels the same about me being “the apple of her life”.
My mother’s favourite song has “of course” always been AVE MARIA (!), which I bring here – together with “Maria, Maria” and “Dear little mother” to express my unconditional love to her
Which song do you give to express your love to your mother (?), and the first one is given in forehand because it is of course (!) my mother’s favourite song – without competition (!) – and that is Ave Maria by Schubert, which she has always told Sanna and I that she wants to be played at her funeral but instead of playing it at your funeral, mother, I will give it to you here and that is in two versions with the first one given because I know just how much you love Andre Rieu and his orchestra, and from the video below, you can see him play and Mirusia Louwerse sing Ave Maria, and I bring the other version after having listened to MANY versions of this song over the years, and today when this is written, I found this the most beautiful version I have ever heard of this truly one of the most beautiful songs ever in history (!), and here it is by the best tenor the world have ever seen, Luciano Pavarotti (!) – and my mother: This is to show you my endless love and that is no matter what and no matter what I have written – also in this memo – about you and the family. This is the truth to discover!
Ave Maria by Andre Rieu, who is loved by my mother,
here with Mirusia Louwerse singing
Luciano Pavarotti, the best tenor singing the most beautiful
Ave Maria I have ever heard
And since this is about mother, I will also bring “Maria, Maria” by Leonard Bernstein sung by Jose Carreras, which as easily as Ave Maria makes the tears run down my cheeks because of its immense beauty – I wrote this comment to the song on YouTube the 8th October 2011 when preparing this memo:
“This is quite simply one of the most precious moments of music history with two of its brightest stars shining their absolutely clearest here. This is immensely beautiful and “the most beautiful sound I have ever heard” – and it makes me think of my mother :-)”.
Finally I also bring the very beautiful song “Dear little mother” by Savage Rose and the unique singer Annisette, and my mother knows that I also associate this song with her and that is every single time I hear it:
Jose Carreras with Leonard Bernstein in “Maria, Maria”
– immensely beautiful about my mother
Savage Rose in the beautiful “Dear little mother” symbolising my love to my mother
My mother suffered immensely because of my “craziness” and was left alone with the thought that there is only one thing worse, which is that Stig tells the truth also making her the Blessed Mother
On the front page of this memo, I wrote that
“My mother and I have suffered immensely when we took on
the sins of mankind to save the world from going under!”
It is not only my mother and I who took on the sins of mankind to save the world from going under but also my other family/friends etc. Including the sum of all sufferings of all people of the Universe of all time (!), which was part of this “rescue mission”, but let me say that “my mother and I took our part of the sufferings”.
In this chapter I will try to explain some of my mother’s sufferings with the weight on our relation after I started receiving spiritual experiences in 2004/06, which is what caused me the worst sufferings in my life, and because of what I went trough, this is also what caused the absolutely worst sufferings of my mother’s life when I was “always on her mind”, which was also much “more than she could bear”!
My mother was put in an emotional rollercoaster of the worst in the years following my spiritual openings in 2004/06 because of her extreme feelings in life – given to her as the mother of the Son of God (!) – making her constantly concerned about me giving her throw-up feelings, making her extremely sad, cry and sleep poorly waking up in the nights, fed by the misunderstandings and wrong doings of my sister, and try to imagine how it feels like to be a mother to a beloved son suddenly becoming “insane”, and it is truly not nice to have a son claiming to be the Son of God, and there is truly only one thing, which is “worse”, and that is “what if he truly IS the Son of God” (?), which would make all of her and my sister’s wrong doings “look bad” but even worse “it will also mean that I am the mother of the Son of God”!
When you as a nature only want to live a quiet life and “dislike” more than anything (!) to be in the centre of people’s attention, which is strongly the case for my mother, a thought like this is truly the worst and “if this is true, what will it mean for me to become the Blessed Mother”, which is the next thought giving the same feelings as I received when not having any desire to become the Son of God because she has absolutely no desire to become the Blessed Mother – and in my mother’s situation it may even be even stronger knowing about just how strongly her feelings are to live a quiet life – and here I can only guess because we have not spoken about this (!), but I have been told spiritually that my mother many times have had the gnawing thought “what if John and Sanna are wrong, and Stig IS telling the truth” (?) and can you imagine how it is to live a life alone with feelings overpowering you, which you cannot talk to anyone about (?), which is what I went through and what my mother also experienced.
My mother had INCREDIBLE feelings for me and sufferings when we did not see each other, and she was thinking about killing herself in 2010, which was only avoided because of energy I sent her
In 2010, I was many times given the strong feelings of “giving up” coming to me from my mother and here it means to “take my own life” – even though I have also been told that my mother is afraid of dying as I was too – and this was because of the immense sufferings my mother went through with no one to talk to (!) – John was willing to do anything to help her “practically” (!) with the only thing being not to be able to talk to her about this (!) – and when she did not see me at all in long periods of several months, which gave her “unimaginable sufferings” because of her immense love to me (please remember that these are the strong feelings of the Blessed Mother!), because of the strength of negative misunderstandings of the family, which were forced upon her.
This was you know more than she could bear, and I was told at the time that the reason why she found strength to carry on was because of the immense light/energy I sent her to make her survive, and we know the foundation was that I of course was already a “living dead” when having to send her this energy.
The destiny of my mother was to have her faith in me determined by my family symbolising the faith of the world and really because of her own lack of skills to read and understand me, which was “difficult” for you to do, mother, wasn’t it (?), and her deep respect of authorities, and I know that my mother does not like to hear this, but my dear mother, this is simply your beloved son telling the truth to you and the world, and you have NOTHING to be ashamed about or fear because this is how you were made as a human with a simple mind symbolising the world and to help bringing extreme energy to the spiritual world to reconnect with the Source through the immense sufferings you brought to me and gave yourself.
The love of my mother and I was tested when my sister influenced our mother against me, which brought my mother and I our extreme sufferings and deadly “sicknesses” – and salvation too
The main reason why the love between mother and son was tested for years – since my spiritual openings in 2004/06 and especially from when I gave my book no. 1 to my sister in 2008 and started my journey in 2009 through my journey to Kenya – is as mentioned mainly because of my sister and also my mother’s husband, John, who simply “could” not understand me when they did not show the right attitude to READ me objectively/carefully in order to UNDERSTAND me, which meant for my sister to be misled by her own hurt and misunderstood feelings because of my writings, which she continued to tell my mother about, who could do nothing else than “sympathise” with her because of my “apparent and unreasonable” negativity and craziness without understanding my true positivity and also that the more negative and uncontrollable feelings she and the family showed, the closer they brought me to death because of the darkness they generated, which was transferred spiritually directly to me as lack of sleep/energy, negative voices, my “old nightmare” etc.
My sister’s strong and wrong voice had a strong influence on my mother – without the resistance of my family, I am sure that I would have succeeded to get my mother to understand me at an early stage (!) – and it was also the voice of my sister and the family, which was the reason why my mother received immense sufferings herself and “sicknesses” almost killing her (collapsed lung in 2009 and “aggressive cancer” in 2010), and the resistance of my mother to me brought me my sufferings, thus also extreme energy to the spirits of my mother and father to reconnect with the Source in 2010 and to save the world, but I have now told you this story many times, so by now you will have understood it?
My mother and the family would do “anything” to help me – of course – but if they knew the consequences of their misunderstandings, they would of course never have done as they did, but instead simply followed my repeated recommendations to truly read and understand, which they still “could” not even when they positively knew or should know that I was dying because of starvation in 2010 (!), but now it is too late to change wrong doings of the past.
When I tried to explain my mother in 2011 that the resistance of her and the family brought me my sufferings, her reaction was that “of course I cannot hurt you when I only want the best for you”, and what she could and would not understand – the strong voice and “better-knowing” again – was that this is in sharp contrast to reality, when her misunderstandings – because of Sanna and the family – was killing me and the world for years (!) , but of course it was out of the question to understand this truth, because how can it be true when this goes totally against her wishes to help me (?) and the answer is that POOR COMMUNICATION and MISUNDERSTANDINGS were tools of the darkness with the purpose to destroy us all at the same time as it was used to save us all.
When growing up I could not handle my mother’s uncontrollable temper, which removed my confidence, a love-life and made me in-going giving me immense suffering when not being the man I am
The immensely STRONG feelings of my mother could be both positive and negative – the world influencing her – making her both “far the best” and “far the worst” in the world (!), and when I was a child, I simply could not handle her extreme temper, impatience and uncontrollable feelings; it gave me the same inside pain as if knives were thrown at me or and made me “look red” as a bull, I simply could not have it (!), which however were feelings I concealed – you have to understand that she was incredible domineering with “impulsive” thoughts driving her and often it was “nothing” igniting her temper/annoyance and there was nothing stopping her when she continued repeating herself over and over and over again also making her completely deaf, and she was a “hen mother” too telling me the same “obvious/unnecessary things” always and again “unstoppable” and this was sadly the truth, my mother, but I know that it was always meant with love (!) – and I did not have the power to stand up against her as a child, I had to overcome these defeats every single time, and the result was that it removed much of my confidence and made my personality in-going when I was growing up also resulting in my problems to get a girlfriend – also because I lacked a father as a male role model, so both of my parents share this responsibility – all the way until I met Camilla in 1994, which truly caused me extreme pain when I was made the opposite person of the man I am as I have explained earlier in this memo.
My mother always had this temper and the strongest uncontrollable feelings – feelings are a good thing but in a world of much darkness, what should have been the greatest gift because of who she is, became the greatest challenge for her (!) – which caused herself much suffering because there was nothing she could do to stop it and she knew that it was WRONG behaviour, and after I became grown-up, it was not very difficult for me to handle any more. I had received a voice, which made it possible in almost all situations to tell her the truth also about herself as no one else could do without making her temperamental or show negative feelings and the reason was simply because of “how I said it” because if my sister as example had told her the same words with her voice, my mother would have become very temperamental and on the edge of breaking down!
I remember one day as a teenager living together with my mother in Snekkersten – Sanna had moved out – when receiving dinner from my mother, that I received a thought of the dinner possible being poisoned (!) and of course this was totally “crazy” of me to think because my mother would NEVER ever do anything to harm me (!), but much later I understood with the help of my spiritual voice that this was about what was to come later in my life. Despite of the love between my mother and I, her misunderstandings in me would become as strong as “poison” that she in practise and without knowing it would become the executioner trying her absolutely best to kill me!
My mother’s destiny of life was to become “simple minded” and receptive to authorities around her to form her life and opinions – with my destiny being the opposite to form the opinions of the world!
My mother is – without wanting (to know about) it – the Blessed Mother and part of the Trinity together with my father and I as my new previous self, and in this capacity she is a human being reflecting the world of today, which is why she deliberately was made “simple minded” and not “very intelligent” – the same is the case with my father – which is a truth, she is very sad about as mentioned before, which has always made her wonder why and made her life difficult, and I only write this to tell the truth, which she will eventually come to understand. As the one she is, she could not be created differently, and this is what was required for her in order to form me into the one I am for me to go through my journey.
She has always been receptive to authorities around her forming her life and opinions, which includes husbands, managers, Sanna (!) and also myself when I have decided to show my self as “strong” towards her. My mother was formed by the surroundings as part of her destiny of life, where I had to find myself in order to do the opposite, which is to form my surroundings including my mother, thus the world, do you see?
My spirituality was difficult for my mother to “deal” with, and when I transmitted wrong spiritual messages of my mother’s mother because of her own darkness (!), I had “of course” become crazy!
When I started receiving my first spiritual experiences in 2004, I discovered that this was a subject, which was not “natural” to talk about – “hearing voices” is of course a “sickness” isn’t it, Sanna (?) – also for my mother and John, who had a reluctance to deal with this, and you do know that the more silence and resistance I met, the stronger my sufferings became leading to my complete spiritual opening in 2006 with direct spiritual speech also of the darkness as I was about to understand, but before understanding this, I believed that the voice speaking to me and through me was speaking the truth – this is how I believe in people until the opposite is proven – and the voice started speaking as the voice of my mother’s mother, who died in 1975, encouraging me to record CD’s with messages for her daughter and my mother, and I do believe I managed to record and deliver 3 or 4 CD’s – you can hear the recordings from my library here – believing that the voice was speaking the truth with most of it however being messages of the darkness because of the lack of understanding and wrong behaviour of my mother/family self, and I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for my mother and John to receive these messages from her dead mother, to listen to it and to wonder if the messages were true or false and the sadness it brought her when thinking that I had “made it all up” as part of my “sickness”, which was the only thing she could think of at the time – but of course every single word was 100% spiritual words spoken through me, these words are not mine, but mainly the words of the darkness, which she sent to me herself!
This was an evil circle, which had started entirely fed by the darkness of my family – again feeling Sanna here – going through my mother to me, and the darkness I received was returned this way, which they of course could not understand. If my family had listened to me, understood and believed in me from the beginning – also not speaking about their misunderstandings behind my back etc. – I would have received 100% pure messages of the light including the TRUE voice of my mother’s mother, but of course this would have terminated us all.
My mother hurt much when I was hospitalised – nobody understood that only by following my spiritual voice without knowing what was true/wrong, I would follow the road of God to save the world!
When I was hospitalised in 2008 because of my sister not truly reading and understanding my first book because of her own stronger better-knowing voice, my mother and John also thought that it was alright that I received “help” to remove my “ugly voices” and of course only to “help me” even though I was fine and had absolutely no need for or wish to receive this so called “cure” – and it was “totally impossible” to remove my “voices” as I told everyone as it truly was (!) – with people not realising just how much I suffered when I was hospitalised because of their ignorance.
A part of the reason why I was “immediately” hospitalised was because my voice at the time told me that I was to travel to Norway where “people were waiting for me”, which the family, the family doctor and psychiatrist saw as “completely crazy” when I could not tell more about who these people were, and since they were afraid that I would just leave – even though I had promised that I would NOT leave without the understanding of the family (!) – they decided to “lock me up” at the mental hospital, and did you really think that I would bring myself in danger because of this without taking into account that I was fully capable of taking care of myself and was leading a normal life as all of my life showed you?
As late as in 2011, John asked me if I could not understand that my story “sounded strange” and I could only tell him the truth that of course I fully understood what the voice told me, but also that it was “immensely strong”, that I only said what I was told myself and I believed in the voice telling me the truth – or at least I did not know if it was right or wrong, which I did not know with everything I was told, only knowing that some was true and much was wrong but that everything was given to me 100% spiritually (!) – the same way as I for example believed the messages from my mother’s mother to be the truth, and again because I believe in people, and if the voice would have asked me to leave for Norway, I would have done it (!) also because I knew that “the road of God” was hidden inside of the darkness – this is the extreme road I have followed for years, which required all of my faith and mental strength for not knowing what was coming “just around the corner” and not to break away from it once (!) – which was also the reason why I had decided to resign from my good job in the end of 2008, this was at the same time – and it was also the voice in the beginning of 2009 asking me to prepare my journey abroad by applying NGO’s all over the world to become a volunteer at a refugee camp, which eventually brought me to Kenya, and I never knew myself what was the truth and what was not (!) and where I was headed, only that the voice and road of God was “in there” somewhere, and I knew without the shed of a doubt that following my voice 100% loyal – including to write my “crazy” scripts 100% loyal according to what I received spiritually – was the only thing I could do, which everyone should be able to see now when finishing my journey after having saved the world. This was the simple truth, which no one could see at the time, because it was “too difficult” for you to listen and understand with an open mind even though I could easily had told you.
I could tell my mother “basic parts” of my story over and over again and still it was “completely impossible” for her to understand shaking her head in disbelief, which caused me immense pain
All throughout 2010 and most of 2011 there was no doubt in my mother’s mind that I was writing negatively about my sister, the family and other people (“which courses of tremendous sufferings, which we simply cannot bear to continue reading” as she and John explained me in 2011, and we know isn’t it incredible what misunderstandings can do (?) – and you do still remember that I took on the sum of all of your “unbearable” sufferings?) and that was really no matter how many times I explained to her and John that I was not, that I had become “clean” myself and now wrote to make other people follow me as my only way to fight the darkness attacking me and that they just had to read carefully to discover my messages of love and the purpose to help all people.
My mother simply shook her head in disbelief many times and “of course” I had to be “crazy” because of my “negativity”, and my mother had this “incredible” skill to repeat her “simple minded lectures” to me over and over and over again and when I “could not” understand in her mind, it made her “almost desperate” and it was the same feelings as I received and the only difference was that I was right and she was wrong, and it truly made me BLEED to listen to all of her incredible wrong and unreasonable “lectures” at the same time as she was completely deaf not understanding what I could tell her hundreds of times (!), and yes the same skills but the difference was our knowledge and level of understanding, and you should really know mother from early on, that I know what I talk about and to understand that I truly understood you, but you did not understand me, as I told you many times and this is really the same as with Elijah as the other clearest example of this.
This also made it more than difficult for my mother to support me in my fight against the darkness of Brede Park and the Commune in 2010/11 because of course “they only want to help you”as she told me – also because of her respect of dictators/authorities, which was so profound that she was always concerned when I decided to go up against one of these, which simply was unthinkable for her to do and therefore her recommendation for me all of my life not to do (!) and every single time my mother told me wrongly, she only meant the best but it was knives thrown towards the inside of me continuing to make me suffer.
My mother often evaluated me based upon how other people evaluated me, and when she “knew” that I was unpopular in the family because of my writings, or when I did not see friends because of the same and even if I had “problems” with the Commune or Brede Park, it “obviously” had to be me, who was the problem (!) and in this case, she would blame and also become negative on me herself – to the point where she also accepted not seeing me – and “of course” she could not “see” how positively everyone was to me until some people started to misunderstand me and learned about what they believed were my “negative” writings, and this was truly a pain to me, and it continued all the way to the end because if I had good relations with people I met, I was doing “fine” according to my mother, and if I had not – not because of me, but because of other people – something was “wrong” with me, and I often had to “disguise” my answers on my mother’s questions for example on how Falck saw me and others too and the truth is that everyone was “very happy” with me – and some “much more than that” – but because of their own misunderstandings, several of these people completely changed from positive to negative without me changing at all, and how could I make my mother understand that it was everyone else but me who was the “problem”?
I tried MANY times to speak to my mother and John, and it was like my mother was bewitched with a voice not WANTING to understand including the most simple parts of my story, I could repeat the same thing 5 or 10 times directly after each other and still it did not “enter” (!), this was the truth, mother, when you kept on telling yourself “this cannot be true”, you were completely deaf apparently not listening and understanding at all and I know that it caused you much pain, but try to understand what your misunderstandings did to me, they made me a living dead, a Zombie, with Hell killing me constantly for years (!), and all I wanted was someone to talk to, someone to understand and someone to help me through my immense sufferings to save the world – all “practical” help was nice to receive but completely without importance compared to this wish – but you (were designed to) only made it worse because of your “inability” to understand, and try to imagine how it feels doing your absolute best work, which was more or less constantly “impossible” to do writing the truth over and over again in my scripts and on my website with the constant threat of the world ending hoping that you (and others) would decide to finally read and understand what should be EASY to understand when only reading carefully with an OPEN mind.
Incredible strong darkness tried to make me impatient, annoyed and careless about my not understanding mother to “remove her”, which would have ended the world, but love brought us through
When it was “totally impossible” for my mother to understand even the most basic parts, I received incredible strong darkness trying to make me feel superior and “give up” on my “ignorant mother” – a manager explaining an employee the same over and over again with an employee still not understanding will understand this feeling, which was the same feeling Elijah gave me when he did not understand “basic parts” even when I had told him the same ten times and in both cases it was “much darkness” of the world given to my mother and Elijah (!) – and the agenda and words of the darkness to me many times was to give me the absolutely worst impatience and annoyance with my mother and to “get rid of her” (!), and if you had felt the strength of the darkness pressuring me to remove my mother bringing me more energy as the explanation (!), my dear reader, you would understand just how “impossible” this feeling also was to resist, but NEVER (!) – despite of anything and despite of my mother simply not understanding, I love my mother and this was the strength I needed to find because it was our love, which brought us through. This was another “very close call” to end my mother, thus the world.
My mother/family knew that spirits worked inside of me, but still it was “impossible” for them to put together the puzzle I had given them to understand – with this memo being the last brick!
My mother could not believe in her own son even though she – and everyone else for that matter (!) – trusted me when I spoke about everything else (!), but when I spoke about spirituality, about light and darkness, it was “totally impossible” for my mother and others to understand me – do you see how it was (?) – and that was not because of me but because of people, but eventually my mother confirmed to me in April 2011 that she believed it to be the truth that I received spiritual voices – which was also because my mother and the family had seen the spirits working inside of me through my physical eyes “looking” strange when my eyelids MANY times closed by themselves without me doing it (!) for up to seconds at a time back in 2006/07 (this was at the time when my head, arms, legs and everything of my body was physically controlled and moved by another force than me!), so on one hand it was totally impossible for my mother to understand my spirituality and on the other hand she and the family knew that I was “possessed” by spirits (!) – this is how she saw it for a long time also making her suffer much because of just how UNREASONABLE this was in her eyes and “YOU HAVE NOT DESERVED THIS” as she told me – and still she also thought for a long time that I was “crazy” and how could this be when you knew that I was “possessed by spirits”, mother (?), and I cannot tell you just how much it made me suffer to have my own mother and family – and friends etc. – thinking that I was “crazy” – and speaking of me behind my back to others as such – without being able to put the pieces of the puzzle together as I had given them, as I am here told, with this memo being the last brick. It should have been easy for my mother and family to understand me if they had only listened to, read and communicated with me with an open mind, but this was simply impossible to do and again primarily because my sister fed my mother with “negativity”.
It really first started visibly to become better after publishing my Falck memo in August 2011 where John was “very surprised to see just how poorly they work” as he told me and again I said that I had very good relations with Falck (I always had to say this because how in the world could this be true with what I wrote (?) and again this was always the truth (!), which people just could not believe in for a long time and that was including my family knowing me for always and yes “I am still the same man as ever” as I told them, but “difficult” to believe in even though this is what they saw when meeting me, and we know everything based on their misunderstandings of my scripts!!!) and that I only write to HELP people and not the opposite – this truth has been “simply impossible” for my mother and others to understand (!) – and also that the only way I could deal with the darkness given to me was to become 100% clean myself and to write my scripts teaching people to do the same, and I noticed how this at least partly opened up the eyes of my mother giving her some understanding that just maybe this is truly what I have done, to become clean and help people through my writings.
And I experienced how my mother started at least partly to support what I did when we briefly spoke about the Commune and Falck and again I tell you that it was not easy to help the world for years, when the world was opposing me and here represented by my mother, who resisted me for so long instead of supporting me and my work, which I missed VERY much and in itself this made it “almost impossible” for me to continue working but in the end, it was about “strength” and I was stronger than everyone opposing me and here I am feeling my sister again, who eventually decided to “give up” on me because there was nothing she could do!
Can you imagine the amount of suffering I went through knowing that I had to make my mother “believe” in me, which was simply impossible to do, in order to save the world (?) and at least so much that she believed in my spiritual voices to be true and with this memo, she will probably receive the last bit and collect the puzzle to understand the truth, that she was led by darkness bringing it to me, and that I only told “the truth” entirely as I received it, and isn’t it fantastic to know by now, my mother, that I am not and have never been crazy, and the only “craziness” you saw was 100% spiritually transmitted through me because of what primarily Sanna led to me through you – and also other darkness of other people too of course, but you were far “the worst” in this respect.
The worst nightmare of my mother was to chose between Sanna and I and to see us and the family being separated – and I saved my mother from her “aggressive cancer” using energy I did not have
The worst nightmare of my mother was to see Sanna and I not seeing each other – which because of the STRONG feelings of my mother and the immense importance of her children to her simply was the worst, which could happen to her – and also to have to choose between Sanna, telling our mother about my “craziness” and “negativity” destroying her (!), and me telling her the truth of the light and darkness working inside of me, and most often she was tempted to choose the darkness of the complaining voice of my sister believing that I was hurting my sister with my “negative” stories, which she let me know that neither she nor my sister “approved” of (!) – not to mention the “negative” stories about my mother self (!) – not understanding that it was my sister in all of her “dictatorship”, who was not only hurting because of her misunderstandings, but killing both my mother and I because of her negativity and the darkness she brought my mother, and the darkness my mother brought to me.
To help save my mother from the aggressive cancer, which she received as a consequence of this in 2010, I decided to send her energy I did not have asking the light to remove this, which was utterly killing me (!) – and eventually my mother decided for an operation followed by chemotherapy, which she thought did her good and I remember she told me that “it is amazing how little I suffer compared to other people throwing up and feeling sick going through the same” and the reason was that I decided to take on the pain of my mother, which gave me some of my worst sufferings of all time whenever she received a new “treatment”, which made me fear for a long time before she was to receive it because for one week afterwards I was completely broken down by the WORST darkness torturing me directly as disgusting and difficult to survive as it gets, which you truly have to read my scripts about to understand. This is an example where I saved my mother making her feel “good under the circumstances” at the same time as she unknowingly continued to kill me and the world because of her faith in my sister and lack of faith in me.
And it was my sister – and John – who convinced my mother to stop seeing me in 2010 (and also again in 2011 when it was needed once more for “spiritual work”!) because of my “extreme negativity” making them “very sad” when reading my scripts – so much that they cried (!) – and this is to say that the darkness succeeded to convince my mother not to see me, not to contact me and not to interfere for periods of months – I was “allowed” by the world to die and this will have to be the worst episode of my mother’s life too for losing contact with her beloved son.
Extreme feelings and concerns of my mother brought MUCH pain and the only thing I REALLY had to be concerned about was the misunderstood concerns of my mother and family!
The gamut of my mother’s emotions surpasses everyone’s else – except mine of course, but I can control them (!) – but often her feelings have misled her giving her misunderstandings instead of understandings of people, which has been so DEEPLY inside of her that it has been part of her life always, for example when ALWAYS wearing on negative feelings of my father, blaming John’s two daughters for many years for not understanding her, which may be the truth with the entire truth being that it went both ways but during recent years I am happy to say that their relations have improved (!), or for years blaming Lis, her old best friend, because of an old “unforgivable mistake” as another example, and it has really taken absolutely “nothing” to create misunderstandings between her and other people also because she cannot bear what people MIGHT think and say about her – even when they do not meaning that it is made up in her imagination (!) – and again it has taken nothing to make my mother immensely happy and enthusiastic about people, as most will recognise, and likewise it has taken absolutely nothing for her to become angry and sad losing her temper, which most people also will recognise. My mother received the strongest feelings of all – except from me – and she was influenced by people either making her very happy or very sad.
It also always took absolutely nothing for my mother to be “concerned” and my journey going through the worst road thinkable put my mother’s feelings to the extreme test – she was EXTREMELY concerned and my journey went to the extreme of my capacity (!) – and it was the absolutely worst for her – and the family too – when I supposedly was on my way to Norway in 2008 and later when I left for and was in Kenya in 2009, where I told her and the family that I planned to do a pilgrimage across Africa, which I would have done if the voice really wanted me to do this at the end – and also when I returned home and kept on sending money to LTO, which made myself live on a minimum etc., and for “hundreds of times” especially in 2008/09, I told my mother and family “there is nothing to be concerned about”, and I was truly receiving throw-up feelings because of the family continuing to tell me about their misunderstood “concerns” (!!!) – and really also doctors, the Commune etc. (!) – and at the end, there was really only one thing to be concerned about, and that was the misunderstood concerns of my mother and others (!), which could have ended the world if I was not strong enough to absorb the darkness given to me.
I remember that when I was about to leave Denmark for Kenya in 2009 and first had to visit the Lutheran World Federation in Geneva a few weeks before, my mother’s life was dissolving – I am given the most EXTREME feelings and tears here of a caring parent losing what meant most to her in life, her son – and this was so powerful that the Easter 2009 and my visit to Geneva – meeting darkness itself in disguise of a NGO (!) – brought me the worst darkness of all I have gone through despite of having other experiences since almost as bad as this. This was the closest of all to end the world – even though we have also been hanging in extremely thin lifelines since – and MUCH more than I could bear, but I did it. It meant EXTREME pain and negativity given to me around the clock by the Devil almost without sleep making “exhausted” and “stressed” far too mild words to use, and still I had to do my absolutely best “impressing” all the people of LWF I met in Geneva, and I cannot write it differently: It was MUCH more than what a man can take both in mental and physical terms because of the constant torment given to me by the worst Devil when going through this.
My mother and sister/family spoke wrongly about me behind my back unawarely humiliating me – and their misunderstandings as “poor communicators” broke with me as a “good communicator”
I know that my mother has never been able to keep her mouth shut when she has been speaking about what she has believed to be “the truth” about other people and their “motives” of doing or acting as they did and as an example I have ALWAYS been met be exceptional warm feelings by her old best friend Lis, when I have met her, but when I met her again in November 2010, she was now “extremely busy” to get away from me instantly having “fear” in her eyes (!) because I had how become “crazy” because of what my mother obviously told her wrongly about me behind my back, which is another of MANY small examples of how people made me hurt and simply because of misunderstandings including people speaking wrongly about me behind my back, and how many of my family/friends etc. did the same (?) and do we talk about “hundreds” not doing what it took for you to know about me, which was not needed for you to do before you believed that you “knew”?
The result was that my own mother humiliated me when speaking about her misunderstandings of me as crazy to family and friends – and what did you do John including your daughters, Sanna, Hans, Niklas/Tobias, my father/Kirsten and Kirsten’s children, Karen and others too to take a few examples, how many did you tell that I was crazy when “claiming” to be the Son of God (?) – which of course also includes my mother’s brother, whom I would have LIKED to see more of if it was not for the negative feelings of my sister opposing this relation (!!!) after re-connecting with him not that many years ago.
I know from experience how much my mother and sister simply “love” to speak about other people – and they know that I believe it is wrong, and that is when they speak negatively behind the backs as they also do (!) – after having seen them doing this many times, and because I knew about their misunderstandings in me and their negativity about my so called “negative” writings, I can only imagine what may be hundreds of phone calls between them and family meetings, where I have been the centre of their misunderstood dialogue and of course without wanting to, they have spoken negatively and wrongly about me, which is the WORST I know of and all of this negative influence by the family was the only reason why my mother and I for the first time ever was not able to speak together and see each other in 2010 – not because of me and really not because of my mother too, but because of Sanna, John, the family – but it is noticeable that my sister and mother MANY times over all the years – regularly occurring – misunderstood and fought each other with the result being that both of them said “we will never see each other again” (!) and I had to work as the intermediary between them MANY times to make them reconcile.
I never had problems myself communicating with my mother – despite of all (!) – and (almost) never with my sister – except from maybe 2-3 times over the years, where I was STRONGER than her in “fights” making her “break down“ and show her true self behind the façade (!) also to show her where the cupboard stands as we say here (!) – and first when they found together against me, it made it impossible for me to see both of them for periods of time, and do you see that this was not because of me but because of your misunderstandings causing all of us much pain (?) and do you remember that it was also almost “impossible” for both of you to understand Camilla (my girlfriend from 1994-2001) bringing me much pain, but that I understood both Camilla and you?
I passed “extreme monitoring” by my mother and sister to show that I was not untidy and irresponsible as a “mental patient”, but “normal” (!), which truly made me suffer because I was a living dead!
Because of my mother’s – and also my sister’s – extreme CONCERNS and “loving feelings” about me, from the autumn of 2009 when returning home from Kenya, they started in practise to “monitor” me as another “Big Brother is watching you”, where I had to pass their “extreme examinations” because of my “craziness” (!) including talks behind my back of “how is he doing”, “how is he and the apartment looking” etc. and this was basically for my mother to be able to tell my sister that I was “doing fine” and “in control”, which I was with everything because anybody knows that a “mental patient” is not in control of his life (!) – looking untidy and not fulfilling his commitments etc. – and my mother could only tell me several times that “your apartment always looks fine” – and it would not take much for her eyes to see what was not “fine” when looking as she did (!) – and she knew that I was handling all of my tasks and “work practises” etc. – this was part of the task to “confuse” my sister and her text books (!) – and this surveillance was so clear to me that it was also giving me much suffering, I had to show and pretend that I was doing fine with the truth being that I was a living dead with constant and immense sufferings, which I (almost never) spoke of when they did not want to truly listen and understand even though they knew that I slept poorly, and it also included for my mother/family to be “concerned” about me taking on weight – they could see the surface but not the true content inside of me (!) – and “you have to be careful about what you are eating” as my mother told me (!) without understanding that this was darkness given to me, which however meant nothing compared to my other sufferings and again this was a small additional suffering because she did not understand this fact, and yes I decided deliberately to take on weight, because I knew that it would be impossible for me to live a life after 2009 without gaining weight.
My mother hurt EXTREMELY being an adoptive child without growing up in a “normal family” also including a father – her real mother took the secret of her real father with her in the grave, almost …
My mother’s real mother decided to “abandon” her as a baby – apparently because she was too young to be a mother but you and I know the truth as I am told here, which is that her mother had a “one time only” affair with a prominent member of the German Nazi Party, namely Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, who is the true father of my mother, which was the secret my mother’s real mother could not reveal and took with her into her grave – and my mother was adopted by her adoptive mother, Petra, who was a handicapped lady alone without a husband and to me, she was my grandmother (she died in 1975), and this was a lifelong extreme pain to my mother, who never accepted how a mother could surrender her own child and did not understand how she could be adopted by a handicapped lady, thus also not receiving a father, which we spoke about over and over again, and my mother NEVER accepted this and also thought about how her life would have turned out if she was not adopted, but still I understand that she loved her adoptive mother, which was her only mother in her view, and that was even though it was difficult for her to express feelings.
My mother loved speaking about the “simple things in life” on the contrary to me, which often made our conversations difficult – and feelings of inferiority, indecisiveness etc. made her suffer too
An added remark here, I can say that my mother was born to love speaking about the simple things of life, which often was about food – nothing could make her more happy or sad when her dinners turned out good with people praising her or the opposite – and of other people, and it made it difficult always for us to have conversations when we were alone because this was not what I was “coded” with – on the contrary in fact – but the lowest denominator won because I had to speak on her level when it was impossible to do otherwise, and I was aware of this already many years ago and settled for this really, but you may understand that it was difficult for me to keep on speaking about the simple things of life, when I was fighting to save the world not knowing if it would go under (?) – and it always helped our communication when other people were present, mainly John.
Extreme indecisiveness was also part of the game of my mother all of her life, and I know how much this hurt her too, because sometimes I have deliberately been given her exact feelings when she receives first “one thought” about one thing and shortly thereafter the opposite thought that “just maybe this would be better” and this is how almost every decision of her life has been with small and big things, and no mother, it is NOT normal for people to receive the immense feelings you receive including strong temper and indecisiveness, and I know better than anyone.
My mother also always fought with feelings of inferiority because “other people were more clever than her” and she often made up “small white lies” to make her stories “sound the best” or maybe even to “protect people” if she thought this was necessary to do, which was often obvious to me when she told me also making me sad to hear because it is always the easiest and best simply to speak the truth.
It also made me sad to know that my mother and John could not sit in the same room watching television together deciding in forehand what to see – I tried to teach John about this a few years ago (!) – with the result being that John often sat behind closed doors at his office watching sports etc. with my mother sitting in the TV room watching her different interests cooking/music programs etc., and despite of my mother always telling me just how happy she is to be together with John, which I believe in, I know that she is also much alone because of John being a “dry stick” – and let me say here as a matter of good sake that I LIKE and care VERY much about John too. He was probably the only man in the world, who could accept my mother’s temper, which I have told them many times over the years with my mother smiling and agreeing with me 🙂 – and he did really help my mother much for example when driving her to routine follow ups at the hospital 20-30 kilometres away every week for many months, and my mother always said that she could not have found any better man than John, and he is TRULY very nice and helpful also helping me with many practical things, and thank you very much for this John and for being in our family, I love you too, but what meant more to me than anything else would have been for you truly to have read and understood me the same way as you read and understood many “exciting books” (also written in English)!
On one hand my mother would have liked to help me financially even more than she did and was “allowed” to, and on the other hand she asked me to reduce my help to LTO, which made me very sad
After returning home from Kenya in 2009 and living on a minimum without people visiting my website giving me any donations – another suffering (!) – my mother was always “kind” to give well prepared dinners with delicious food (“normal food” was not good enough for her son even though I never asked for anything else than “normal food”) and I was even given leftovers to bring home, and also some money and grocery here and there, which was very nice of her and showing her TRUE SELF because this is the care she is born with and that is to the world and not only me and the “tragedy” of my mother’s life is that the WRONG culture made her become another person than the TRUE caring person she is in practise making her not care about other people than her family/friends, which was also the reason why she kept on thinking and telling me that it was wrong of me to send money (!) to my LTO friends because “they only misuse you because of money” (!) as she said – she did not respect what I told her many times that it made me more happy to keep my true friends alive than to receive a better material life, which I asked her truly to understand – but still she kept on telling me MANY times to think about myself, which caused me VERY much suffering because she did not know that only by keeping them alive, the world would be able to survive because at one point they were the only ones in the world believing in me, and again I was very sad that NO ONE including my mother and John did not decide to send them money directly to help them survive – and not to TRULY help me financially when they had “plenty” and I had “nothing” – which came down to John principally deciding that I was not to have more than other “children” of the family, and had he decided to help LTO, I am sure that my mother would have done the same, because the truth is that my mother contains THE LOVE OF THE WORLD (!) but because people kept her down, it kept down the love of the entire world (!) as I am told here herewith also leading us through Hell to re-connect with the Source.
So I sensed that on one hand my mother wanted me help me financially even more than what she was “allowed” to by John – also making her suffer – at the same time as she was annoyed having to help me with money and food (which was nice, but in most situations not needed) because if I only followed her “advise” to send less money to LTO, she did not have to help me (!) but then again, I am sure that she also had opposite feelings appreciating that I helped keeping people alive, and you can really say that what I was doing, was to “force” a contribution out of John/my mother to help LTO, thus for the world to help the poor people for example at the Horn of Africa, and the more I could get, the more for these people, this is how it was connected.
I was sad to see that my mother and John as my sister and Hans and others also kept going on holidays – cruise holidays in their case – because they believed that they had “deserved” it at the same time as I was working and suffering my worst without time or money to go on holiday, and also that they could continue affording to buy new TVs, bicycle, disc washer, luxury bags etc. when others of the world had “nothing” symbolised by me. The old world continued to run, it took more than me and my writings to teach you, and this will probably be what you will see when I will open up the eyes of my new previous self, the revived soul of Jesus.
The end of my journey is near – I did it “my way“, BLUE EYES 🙂
I experienced throughout my journey how everyone judged me on what they merely saw on the surface without understanding me and the deeper big picture, because they “could” not read or listen to and understand me with an open mind – except from my few LTO friends in Kenya.
My family for a period of time and most friends and ex-colleagues all of the time decided to abandon me in practise leaving me to die. You should all have been my friends understanding and helping me, but where were you when I truly needed you?
This was the true example of lack of compassion of the old world and if you made me sad (?), and yes EXTREMELY, and if I love you (?), and of course I do :-).
I did my journey my way going through my sufferings with the aim to remove these to get a life and also to save my mother more than anything – and of course the world because “there is so much good, which I will NEVER give up on”! This was essentially my driving force.
This is it, finally I made the end of this memo too :-).
Stig, November 2011.
This website was first published November 14, 2011, and has since been updated few times.