Until 2004/06: Controlling people made me in-going

________________________________________________________________________

Summary of this page

Controlling parents and managers made me into a person I am not giving me immense pain in life

  • My mother was the most loving mother in the world, whom I love more than anyone, but her uncontrollable temper and negative feelings when growing up with the lack of a father to give me strength and confidence made me in-going, shy, nervous and sad.
  • Selfish, lazy and absolute business “dictators” misused my competences to do their “dull” paperwork instead of giving me outgoing work meeting people to develop my true self when communicating with and leading people. Paperwork kept me mostly as an in-going and unhappy person.
  • I was always kept in my “inside prison” struggling to find my true self underneath the surface, which I never really did until my spiritual openings in 2004/06 but then it was too late to become happy, because by then the Devil was now trying to kill me directly!
  • I have ALWAYS had two sets of complete feelings inside of me to chose from. The world gave me much negative feelings and thoughts, which I had to manage “inside of me” and actively to chose positivity. This was darkness of the world given to me to keep it from ending!
  • I was given a ”light stuttering” for many years, which made me even more ingoing when I was afraid to take the word when being together with others.
  • I am born with a complete set of double feelings with darkness always giving me immensely strong negative feelings trying to break me down.
  • I have had much deeper feelings than others making me decide to “hold back” to avoid being considered “too overwhelming” by “colder people” than me.

I never had a girlfriend before the age of 28 – sexual frustrations made my life a hell

  • I had developed an extreme shyness and nervousness towards attractive ladies, which kept me from having a girlfriend all the way until I was 28 giving me immense sufferings and this followed me all the way until it was too late, when the Devil tried to take me over actively from 2004/06.
  • I had received the strongest sexual desire of any man, which I could not get relief from. It became an obsession haunting all of my life and even though I knew it was wrong, it forced me for a period of time to commit wrong sexual behaviour, which I received a sentence for in case of repetition.

I always had much less energy than others, I worked hard and had a miserable economy making me into a sad hermit in despair

  • I always had less energy than others meaning that I could “only” run for 30-45 minutes when doing my absolutely best, unless ONCE when I was given energy to run for 1 hour and 45 minutes without any problems (!) and twice I have been given “normal energy” for a full day making it a “revelation” to me compared to the little energy I normally had, which I thought was “normal, which it however was not.
  • I worked hard throughout the years, which consequently meant that I did not have energy in private to go out to meet friends and for many years neither to keep my home tidy, which made my life very lonely, when I could see it passing by without being able to live it. I only lived for my work, which I also hated (!) because I was misused by lazy managers, who “loved” when I did their “boring” work, which continued to keep me down when I was not given out-going work.
  • It also made my economy break down when I did not have energy to set my economy in system and when I was tempted to be irresponsible as a reflection of the world. My telephone and electricity was shut down regularly, I lived in constant “poor conscience” and fear of the bailiff and creditors to ring my door, which he (they) often did, which made me decide not to open my door for years living like a hermit (!), I feared for the police to come to my work to bring me to court because of my debts, I feared to be dismissed as a consequence of this and I feared to be thrown out of apartments, which I eventually did twice in the 1990’s, and I tell you that it is NOT nice to live on the street for a period of time pretending to still live a normal life and being in control. My economy and sense of responsibility generally improved after year 2000.
  • And all of this darkness given to me was totally against how I truly felt inside of me, where I only wanted to do what I knew was right to do, but still I could not, which gave me more “internal fightings/sufferings inside of my head” between what was right to do and what I was “forced” to do. You could not see my suffering, which were hidden from you!

Below follows the full version of this page.

________________________________________________________________________

Until 2004/06: Controlling people made me in-going, lonely and sad contrary to my true inner self

I was NEVER happy because I was made into a person, I am not!

When growing up, I had the most loving mother and sister around me as you can imagine, they loved me and I loved them (immensely!), and still they filled so much in my life that they also – without wanting it – formed me into another person than the person I was born as, which was strengthened by the lack of a true father in my life and later on by business managers, who misused my competences because of their own laziness, which brought me much unhappiness, which is what I describe in this chapter.

All the way until my spiritual openings in 2004/06 (!), I was made by other people into the opposite of whom I really am – ingoing and unsecure – which made my life a living Hell because of the inner conflicts it gave me, when I knew and felt that I was truly another man – outgoing and confident – inside of me, which I however could not connect with and bring forward.

I had become another man than the man I was born as; strong voices and lack of respect and basic human understanding of (loving!) people in me made my life a Hell, which as a consequence NEVER gave me one single second of happiness. The closest I came to “happiness” was when hitting a golf ball perfectly with the sweet spot of a driver :-), but even when playing golf, the darkness worked directly against me (!) – the light helped me produce strikes of “wonders” and the darkness strikes of “disaster” when playing!

I did not suffer because people wanted me to suffer because people “of course” only wanted the best for me (!), but this is how it became because this is the sickness of the world: The strong voice of selfish people, who only “want to help”, but when you misunderstand and control/dominate people not giving them room and freedom to become whom they truly are – always on the foundation of good behaviour – you will wrongly make people into people, whom they are not.

I went through this suffering also to show you that this is what the world – parents, school, employers, husbands and wives – wrongly do to people today and this is what you have to stop doing. Follow my basic rules and teach people a proper conduct of life, and when this is in place, give people FREEDOM to develop and become the people they truly are!

Controlling parents made me sad and in-going instead of happy and out-going

My mother and father separated when I was four or five years old and since I have had the closest relation to my mother and always a troublesome relation to my father not understanding or prioritizing his own son especially after he received a new “demanding” family in the end of the 1970’s, when I needed him the most as a teenager trying to “form his life”.

As a person, my mother is the most loving and caring person in the world, which she truly is because NO ONE has the warmth inside of them as she has (!!!) – I love her more than anyone in this world (!) – but at the same time she also always – as part of the destiny of her life to “bring the world to me as it is “ – had an uncontrollable temper, dominant nature and negative feelings often together with accusations given to me that “you cannot do this” instead of “you can”, which she told me on a daily basis, which was so strong that I was not able to handle as a boy – and my seven year older sister was my “reserve mother” having learned from her what to do and sometimes doing the same to me when our mother was not present – which is what made me become ingoing, shy, unsure of myself, nervous and sad both in relations to family, friends and potentially girl friends, whom I had none of until the age of 28 (!), with the result that I spent most of my time at home, when my “friends” were out to meet new friends also of the opposite gender. I remember very clearly thinking as a teenager “it is now that you have to start living, unless you want to become old and think back that you never had a youth”, which I now can do at the age of 45 when I think back that “I never had a youth” (!), this is how it became.

My mother TRULY wanted the best for me and she is without doubt responsible for learning me “good behaviour” (at least part of it), which I am VERY grateful for, but when people control people, you remove their personality, which is what my mother did – of course without wanting to – and I had this feeling all along my childhood that “I am somebody else than the person I am allowed to show”, who became this ingoing, sad and not smiling boy often only saying little or even nothing when I was together with people in contrast to my true inner self, whom I felt inside of me underneath the surface.

When my father left us, I received a “every second weekend” relationship with him for years, and I experienced both my father and mother blaming each other when they told me about the mistakes of the other person without the person being present and without me as a boy being able to handle this information (!), which therefore hurt me much, and when I became 12-13 years old, he and I started receiving troubles communicating and understanding each other mainly because of his new wife, Kirsten, who basically demanded him to give up his former life and children (!), which was at the time when I as a teenager needed his “strength” and masculinity to influence me and liberate me from my strong mother – also to meet ladies, which I was aware of (!) – but I never received it. He did not understand.

As a consequence, in periods over many years we have seen each other on their terms not really understanding me and in other periods, their selfishness and better-knowing attitude became “far too much” making me break with them for years, until I tried to see them again but each time with the same result.

Thus, my own mother and father – who only wanted the best for me – made my life a misery because of their self focus with my mother deciding on my behalf and with my father being “almost invisible”!

All throughout my childhood and at least until the age of approx. 30, this also brought me feelings and many thought of wanting to kill myself – I felt that I had nothing to live for – at the same time as I did not have the courage to do this because I was afraid of dying, which gave me cold sweat just when thinking of death, which I did MUCH, which was also a MAJOR suffering of mine, which lasted all the way until my spiritual openings starting in 2004.

When my old friend Jesper and I in 1980 as teenagers bought a Ford Cortina 1968 for 500 DKK, which we used legally to drive on the private ground of my old school-friend Allan, the gasoline tank was one day stolen from the car making it impossible for us to keep on driving, which I have been inspired by my voice to include here because it was a symbol saying “no more energy”, which is how I felt already at this age not having “the energy” to continue. All of my life was truly a battle between life or death with the question being if I would be strong enough to live or if the darkness of the world would “succeed” to kill me and all life.

Controlling and selfish managers misused my competences keeping me in-going and unhappy

Later on when I started to work (from 1984), I thought that success at work would create my happiness of life, when I would make money (!), which would give me freedom to do what I wanted, and I remember “dreaming” of making 1 million DKK per year before the age of 30 (which would require “BIG success”, which I could have done if employers truly had developed me instead of misusing me but this amount of money would of course have been “impossible” for me to make because of who I am) and I had this “dream” around the time when I started working at DanskeBank-Pension in 1988 at the age of 22, where I also briefly became a member of Junior Chamber. This is how the time was, and what was also transferred to me as a consequence.

My challenge became that my managers did not fully understand and use my true competences. I was very often used as a specialist doing my manager’s work because of my professional know-how – I was more careful than most – and also ability to write, which was also because my managers did not have the same abilities or discipline to do this work themselves. This misuse of me, as it was because of their “laziness” and prioritization of themselves to do “more exciting work”, meant that I did not get the opportunity to use my inborn competences to communicate, develop and bring people with me for example as a manager, sales professional or business developer.

Most managers wrongly thought because of their own limitations that “Stig is a specialist and NOT a manager or sales professional” , and they herewith removed the development opportunities for me to become my natural self.

This made me directly become a slave of my own success and NEVER happy, because I had a great need to come out, meet people and show my true outgoing personality, which was kept down in my childhood, which is what my managers now kept down by overloading me with “dull” paper work, which they were too lazy to do themselves. I found myself looking down at papers, which constantly were given to me, and on the screen, which made me in-going, and I knew that this is what it meant to me, but still managers decided to use me for this not wanting to give me more outgoing work (Kim S!) or to make me a manager (Søren H!) as I asked you for many times and because of this, I kept on being sad and in-going against my nature, which is then how managers and colleagues saw me without understanding or knowing the ALWAYS constant struggle inside of me to become my true outgoing self, while less qualified people were chosen to do outgoing work or become managers! My managers could easily have done what I asked for, which would improve my whole life, but of course it was impossible for them to do so because they had been “placed” around me as selfish “dictators” to reflect the world of today.

I was a victim of my own responsibility at work, my competences and desire to do “my best” and the laziness of others preventing them from doing the same (!) at the same time as managers have not been open to the fact that as a person you can possess the mentioned diversified and well developed competences, which is what I did – and I would have preferred VARIATION in my life also doing my own preparation and aftercare of work and to work in teams when this would be natural and right to do.

My life was made dull and sad on the contrary to my true potential and feelings inside of me

“Controlling people” around me wrongly made me become a man, who was not able to become his true self living up to his full life potential making life sad and dull as the consequence – I was kept in my inside prison, which was killing me (!) – as it happens for millions of people all over the world.

I had not become the man, whom I felt underneath all of this insecurity and introverted personality. I was lonely having only few friends, insecure and shy towards girls. I had become somebody else than the man I felt deep inside of me and it was this feeling, which always haunted me giving me the greatest sadness for not being able to develop and bring alive my true self, which I fought with most of my life, and even though I became more confident and strong over the years, this “shut in” feeling was with me ALL of these years, but when I eventually found myself starting in 2004 with my first spiritual opening (!), by now it was “too late” for me to start receiving happiness with my renewed confidence in my self since the Devil at the same time trough my spiritual openings in 2004/06 had started giving me sufferings around the clock as you can read about later. In other words, I have not felt once single second of happiness and no true feelings of love in all of my life!

As a grown-up, most people saw me smiling on the surface, but most people did probably not understand just how unhappy I always was underneath the surface – the surface is all what they could see (!) – inside of me, but a few people very close on me may have noticed the dualism of me, my fight between being in- and out-going and that is really between darkness and light in general, which was part of the fight of and for my life.

This is also what my old friend, Georgie Jukes, received as messages from the spiritual world in her clairvoyant reading of me as late as in 2006 (!), with these as some of the messages:

  • “Spin, spin, spin the wheel of justice – other people don’t do justice to you”, “life is not good”, “you isolate yourself too much” and “conflicts of two worlds inside of you”.
  • “You cannot have a partner right now in your life”, ”you are not happy”, “elements of self doubts in you”, “you need more laughter in your life”, “you spend too much time sitting and pondering”, “you put your self under so much pressure – work, work, work”.
  • “Sometimes you hold back on stuff – in family, work and sometimes friendship”, “you put out on the outside, OK, but on the inside you think that’s not right, when you get to a point you will speak out more and put your opinion across because it is valuable”.

I was given a ”light stuttering” for many years, which made me even more ingoing when I was afraid to take the word when being together with others

A part of the darkness I received from my ”loving family” when growing up was ”light stuttering” or an ”inability” to find the words, I would like to say, which was a great suffering too – even though I only had it light – also making me decide often not to take the word when being together with others because I would fear not being able to say the right words, and from my script of the October 23, 2011, I included this chapter to tell you more about how this feels:

“For some days I have had difficulties speaking and that is to find and say the words, I would like to say and I have been stuttering over many words trying to say them without being able doing this, which is a truly annoying feeling also because communication is normally one of my strong sides, and on the other hand, this is how most of my life has been, where I have been given “a little” of this “stuttering” or “not finding the words”, which has been a constant suffer of mine making it not only difficult to speak, but also – at least part of my life – making me afraid of taking the word when being together with others, and I believe this happened mostly until approx. 2000 and again because others kept me down. And I have been given this feeling these days because I watched the old TV Christmas Calendar “CWC World” on DVD the other day, where one of the characters have this “speaking disorder”, and whenever I have had this myself these days, I am given him as a vision, and it is truly “knaldhamrende” annoying, which you will come to understand …. 🙂.”

I am born with a complete set of double feelings with darkness always giving me immensely strong negative feelings trying to break me down

I have been born with a complete set of double feelings to draw upon, and in every single situation of my life I have felt both feelings inside of me always giving me immensely strong negative feelings, which I have had to overcome in order to show my positivity, which I do hope and believe that people will remember me for doing not knowing about the “fight” I have always had inside of my head when receiving the negativity of the world and converting this to the opposite.

Despite of my insecurity as mentioned before, I have still been very confident in many work-wise situations doing the work that I did – because I did my best (!) – at the same time as feeling nervous, and I believe that managers/colleagues have seen both sides of me and probably also family/friends – I have been both patient and impatient, hard-working (at work) and lazy (in private) because of lack of energy, felt superiour as well as inferior, I have liked and disliked people at the same time etc. and I have always had these double sets of feelings to chose from in every situation mostly with negative feelings given to me reflecting the world, where I actively had to decide chosing positive feelings!

An example is that I could write pages up and down as notes to myself about just how unreasonable managers were, which they were, but still I decided for a positive attitude when meeting them also because mostly it was impossible for them to receive constructive criticism (do you remember Kim S. and Søren H.?), which contributed to give me a “conflict of two worlds inside of me”, which essentially was the fight between the light I was born with and the darkness of the world trying to break me down.

I have had much deeper feelings than others making me decide to “hold back” to avoid being considered “too overwhelming” by “colder people” than me

All of my life, I have known that I have had much stronger and deeper feelings than most (or all) people – as my mother has too – which often has made it necessary for me to “hold back” from showing all of my inner love/warmth to people simply because I know from experience that people often feel that this is “too overwhelming” because they don’t have the same depth of feelings, which is also the case for my sister, who does not have the same range of feelings as my mother and I and consequently not always the understanding of our “emotional reactions”.

Strong feelings is normally a gift for people but for my mother and I when living together with “colder people”, it has not always been the case but the contrary because it has brought us sufferings when we have not always been able to express our natural and positive feelings because of limitations of other people.

This is not my mother and me having “wrong” feelings, but it is showing that rich and selfish people have had their deep feelings of God to sense joy and happiness removed and their negative and sceptical feelings of the Devil strengthened, which I write more about on my webpage “normal life”, which the world does not understand today but will come to understand and will be removed in our New World :-).

I never had a girlfriend before the age of 28 (!) – sexual frustrations made my life a hell, and I spent 7 years together with Camilla in constant sexual pain “loving” her without “true love”

Because of controlling people around me, I developed this insecurity and also an extreme shyness/nervousness towards potential girlfriends, which developed into the pain of my life when I could and did not meet a girlfriend before the age of 28 (!) even though I felt my natural self underneath the surface telling me that under normal circumstances as my true, strong, outgoing and humorous self, I would have been able to attract even the most beautiful ladies, but this was impossible for me to do as the in-going and insecure “slave” I had been formed as, and when I finally opened up to my true strong self from approx. 2005 – all of the time that is because “he” has been inside of me always but only showing “himself” some of the time you know – it was “as easy as nothing” to attract anyone (!) if it was not because it now was totally impossible because of the “mind games” of both the light and the darkness “messing up” the mind and feelings of ladies in relation to me as you can find examples of out there, for example one certain young and beautiful lady from Stockholm in the summer of 2008, who invited me to go with her to a discothèque at the heart of Stockholm …!

This chapter may come as a “big surprise” to several “beautiful ladies” out there remembering me from the past because when I was attracted to you, you received my strong feelings making you attracted to me too and we know “this is in general” with variations and also ladies turning from being attracted to not being attracted to me, and the irony is that I wanted love more than anything and could not find it because of IMMENSELY strong feelings keeping me away from it and all of the time I was surrounded by ladies having a big “crush” on me, and you can ask a few from Fair Insurance as well as another example.

For many years in the 1980’s and 1990’s, I went out on town in weekends with the goal to find a girlfriend, and I had received the curse of only being attracted to the most beautiful ladies, and the shyness and nervousness I received was so strong that my heart was constantly beating strongly in my throat and I was shaking all over my body just thinking about approaching a beautiful lady to talk to her, and if the lady was not beautiful to look at in my eyes, I had none of these nervous feelings and no physical attraction to her. This is how extreme the feelings I received spiritually – which feelings always are (!) – were, and these were the feelings preventing me to live a normal life.

If I rarely found myself alone with a lady, I found attractive, I had no idea of what to do (!), and if it was not for meeting Camilla in 1994, who decided that she wanted me as her man and showing an incredible patience with me for months until I was able to overcome my extreme difficulties to make love (!), I would never have made love to a lady until this day and even though I “loved” Camilla for all of her good sides, when we were together until 2001, I never loved her as love is supposed to feel like, and even though Camilla was truly a “good looking” lady, she was not as beautiful as the most beautiful and because of my curse, this meant that I was not attracted to her physically – this was the everyday of our life together. By the way, “the most beautiful girl in the world” by Prince was the first song she and danced to at the Submarine in Vedbæk the first evening when we met making it “our song”, which truly was a “gold experience” to us.

When writing about Camilla I may add that I should have been a much better man for her, and I am still sad that I was not able to bring her children as she wanted so much – which I was also looking forward to myself, but mostly her – and first later I have come to understand that when I was no individual soul myself as my “old self”, I could not become a father. My sexual sufferings were so immensely strong that for every single minute when I was together with her, I had “sex on my mind” in relation to – in my mind – truly beautiful looking women (Camilla was “truly beautiful” but in my mind only when it came to her inner self, you see?) and this power was so strong that when she spoke to me, it was almost always only with difficulties that I spoke back – as most of my life always was when speaking with everyone, but mostly when being with Camilla (!) – and I am sorry, Camilla, but there was nothing I could do. I tried to suppress these feelings my best when we were together, but they were “impossible” to deal with as you may come to understand one day. I “loved” you very much, but not as people are to love each other as partners. And Camilla was a loner and very jealous person, which meant that I lost most of my old friends when I moved together with her, which I thought was because she did not “approve” of them – they were very different to her, and this meant that she and I was almost always alone in each other’s company when we were not together with family and on more rare occasions with a few friends.

Being a reflection of mankind, I was created as the human being with the strongest sexual desires in the world giving me the strongest sexual drive of any man, and when you cannot get relief because of “the circumstances of my life”, this had to torment me as my worst suffering, which it did to the extreme, which also included that I very much missed human love, affection and nearness from the partner I did not have.

Because of my frustrations, lack of “luck” and incredible desire, there was “no way out” other than the Devil eventually taking over my life also giving me a wrong sexual behaviour – mainly from approx. 1998 to 2005, which you can read more of from my book no. 1 – where I could not suppress the obsessions given by man to me to do what was wrong as Catholic priests all over the world neither could even though they knew that what they did was wrong, however my “pain” was not in relation to children (!); my destiny was not to destroy the lives of the people offended because – except from very few – because they did not even know about my actions, and let me tell you that my life was a nightmare being “caught” in this mentally before, under and after the “violations”. This is what I will write about it and nothing more!

Thus, my entire life was controlled by a constant and very strong sexual obsession also including “addiction to the internet” depriving me from a normal life of joy and happiness. All of my life, my impulses and thoughts were focussed on sex and fantasies – on what I did not have – without giving me relief or calm at any time. I did not experience life and love as how it is supposed to and was constantly unhappy because of this alone, with the others things coming on top.

From approx. 2004, my feelings of shyness/nervousness to beautiful ladies lifted, but as mentioned, the Devil had now taken over my life directly making it impossible for me to meet new ladies until I eventually decided to give up trying in 2009 knowing that my destiny was not to find a girlfriend as long as the Devil was haunting me – and the light was working too because the idea was for me to be as clean as possible to receive the best chances to reconnect with the Source in 2010!

Consequently I have not had a girlfriend since 2004, and in total in my life I have only been together with Camilla from 1994-2001, Karen for a few months in 2003/04 and Henriette for half a year in 2004/05 and I have had a total of 3 “unlucky” one-night stands – and I have never been unfaithful even though I was much tempted by a young beautiful lady in Finland on the “10th floor” in Helsinki in 2000, I believe, where we were saved by her friend – and this was one of the very few times I had the courage to address a beautiful lady.

I always lacked energy and worked HARD, was lonely and had a miserable economy making me live as a sad hermit in constant fear of being dismissed and thrown out to live on the street

All of my life I have received “less physical energy” than what other people receive and this meant that I used my energy on work, where I worked hard, “very hard” or even “extremely hard” (in periods with DFM, GEFI and Acta) from 1988 and forwards (except in Fair because of poor management!) often overcoming the physical energy, which I really possessed, and when returning home, I was most often both alone and lonely, which has been one of my main sufferings too, when seeing life running by without living it myself, because I only had few private friends and no more energy to go out – to meet others, play sport etc. – and my home often looked like a mess because I had no energy to clean it, which was a also a true suffering, because it was totally against what I felt inside of me and even though it improved, when I met Camilla in 1994, where I again and again tried to find my true self keeping our home in order, it was impossible to do because Camilla was born untidy, which made true tidiness in shelves etc. impossible giving me constant suffering more fightings “inside of my head”, when I was torn for her not to clean up just hoping that she would improve for us to reach “perfect tidiness”, which were the feelings and “impossible goal” given to me.

When I lived together alone with my mother in Snekkersten (until 1986) after my sister had moved out, I noticed how my mother not always paid her bills on time and also that she did not like to open window envelopes with new bills, and when I moved away from home in 1986, this “attitude” also became my attitude, and even more than my mother, because this is what I had seen and also because I had no energy to bring system in my economy when I was spending many hours away from home on work in Copenhagen, and in the evenings, weekends and holidays, I was without energy where I mostly watched television and heard music, while others were living their lives, and this is how I started my life “forgetting” to pay my bills on time and really also because I was tempted to be “irresponsible” spending money on myself, which I did not have, on “all and nothing” (much on CD’s!) and I truly did not like at all opening window envelopes and this is how the darkness kept me down for years resulting in my telephone or even electricity to be closed down regularly and to receive reminders from creditors.

I could handle the economy of customers when I was working at the bank, but I could not handle my own, and I was living in constant “poor conscience” with all of my old bills collected as unopened envelopes in several plastic bags, which I feared every day to open, and I had constant fear when not paying rent to be thrown out, which eventually led me to move out from one and thrown out from two apartments from 1991-96 because I did not pay my rent (see more at the next chapter) and it is NOT a nice feeling to find yourself on the street without a place to stay and I remember that I slept at the office of DFM in 1992 (?) for approx. one week being very afraid of being discovered and dismissed, which I felt would break me totally, and also remember at this time that I shortly “lived” in my car in the winter (cold!) before working for 48 hours at work on a “difficult case”, where I refused to give up consequently not leaving/sleeping during this period of time, I worked the full day, full night, full day and full night (!) before eventually leaving in the morning directly for Gran Canaria on holiday together with my old friend Lars G. without a place to return “home” to (I was TIRED in the plane, but could not sleep!), which brought me “incredible stress” and I thought that all of this stress would make me “die before time”, but today I know that this was needed at the time to fight the darkness of the world and also that it helped me to expand my limits “insanely” to be able to do my journey over recent years! It was part of my school as so much else.

During the years I have had many creditors chasing me at my door and in court because of my inability to control my economy, which constantly gave me very much nervousness, so much that I did not dare to open my door for years being afraid of meeting creditors and the bailiff, who may have visited me maybe 25 times or more over the years (?), which also made my life with Camilla very difficult because of her fear/anger of experiencing this – and all of this was very much AGAINST my nature but forced upon me because of lack of energy and the feelings of “irresponsibility” given to me. For long periods of my life, I have lived as a hermit always giving me an inner fight because I know that this was not me (!) and I have always felt that the border between “success or failure” – to truly make it or truly break down – for me was almost not existing because I was so far out in relation to economy and summons, which I had not control over, that I feared the police would come to my work to pick me up for court, which also made me constantly nervous for years, where I expected their arrival at any time, which I was almost sure would make me lose my job (at DFM with the “old-fashioned” in terms of economy, Kim S. and Jørgen H.), and with my job also my whole life, because my job was my life, I did not have anything else and that is even though I “hated” my work because of the kind of work, which I almost always was asked to do, but when I a few times was out meeting people – as when visiting the Synoptik chain of 80 stores in 1991 or the rvt revision offices around the country in 1994 (?) – I felt alive, this is what I liked and lifted me much up, and this is what I felt I could do better than anyone, but still Kim S. decided to misuse me to do work, which he and nobody else could or would not do because of lack of skills or simply discipline/motivation.

I have been on “the edge” many times of my life receiving “cold sweat”, which is the worst feeling I know of, when fearing to break down, become fired, thrown out of apartments etc.

I have NOT written the entire story of my life in my scripts also meaning that much of my sufferings before 2004 has not been written down, but I have ALWAYS been on the edge with the feeling always given to me that there is almost no margin between ”total success” or ”total failure”, which is if I would make it or break down because of my sufferings and what my surroundings would decide to do in relation to me for example dismissing me as I was from Aon in 1997, GEFI in 2002 and Acta in 2007 (!) with all places NOT UNDERSTANDING the truth because of their own laziness and “strong voices” (!) consequently taking VERY WRONG decisions and again, these were examples of the work of the Devil trying to eliminate me via the code he had set up!

Another example includes the work I did for GE Frankona in 2002, after having been dismissed by GE Insurance (GEFI), where I was about to finalise a complete business plan for the opening of a new insurance company, which I did for weeks without pay, without having any other income and with the stress factor that I was running out of money and only had days left with food, which nobody from GE Frankona of course knew about (!), and when they WRONGLY rejected my business plan – not truly reading and understanding it (?) – and the entire project, they wanted to do it without paying me for my work (!), and I had to go up against the largest company in the world to prove that it did not have the “fantastic values” in practise as it praised itself of, and finally I succeeded convincing their “skilled lawyer” that he was WRONG and I was right, and at the end I managed to receive payment of my work from the Devil (!) – and we know “cold sweat” is what this is also about.

I experienced the same stress factor in 2007 after I was wrongly dismissed by Acta, when it was “almost impossible” for me to find new work – I was either under- or over qualified for all positions I applied for and I continuously met employers doing poor work when “judging” my applications and several did not even come back to me (!) – and finally, when I again only had food for “not that many days left” and no money or view to receive more money, I got in contact with Dahlberg, and only because I did my best work again in an “impossible situation” when I also had “cold sweat” of nervousness and was about to “break down” too (!), I managed to get a job with them also coming through this barrier to continue my journey, and eventually I started receiving income and food again.

And we know more examples could be given for example the trial against me in 2005, I believe, because of my wrong sexual behaviour at this period of time, which made me receive “cold sweat” for months thinking about the potential outcome, and I was too afraid to open the mail I received of this and feared that the police as a consequence would collect me at work for the trial, which would make me lose my work and income also becoming banned in the industry removing my future opportunities of receiving an income, but again “in the final hour”, I decided to do what was right, to open my mails on this and to attend the trial where I simply told the truth and we know I received a sentence of 14 days of prison (!), but only to be carried out in case of new violations – and for years following 2006, when I started receiving direct spiritual speech, I was told that “the local newspaper of Frederiksberg wrote an article about this”, which was repeated thousands of times (!) making me suffer much as only one example of what the darkness was capable of doing when “pressuring” a story on me stronger than anyone else has ever experienced.

I also had the same feelings for many months when not paying my rent in the beginning of the 1990’s – I was not in control of my economy (!) – where I was eventually thrown out from Hollænderdybet in Copenhagen (in 1992?), leaving Masnedøgade in Copenhagen before I would be thrown out (in 1993?) and thrown out from Bredebovej in Brede (in 1994?) and I can only tell you that being so afraid that you receive “cold sweat” for months/years is a terrible way of living, and it was also with me already from 1984 when I was employed by Danske Bank, which had a rule that employees were not allowed to make overdrafts on their accounts, which I did “very often” when I could not control my economy (!), and I was almost in constant fear from 1984 to 1991, when my employment ended in the bank, to receive calls from the HR-department “telling me off” and we know with the risk to become dismissed (!) and also to receive a poor reputation with my colleagues knowing what two special gentlemen from the HR-department having this “boring” task to call employees with overdrafts like me were all about.

I ALWAYS had much less energy than others making exercise and life self “very difficult” – and I have tried THREE times only how “normal energy” feels like making me feel “invisible”

Lack of energy is also what made it “very difficult” for me to run and do exercise all of my life, which I did not know about before my second spiritual opening in 2006, where it became obvious to me – I both felt it clearly and was told about it hundreds of times as you can read some of from my scripts – and I had started running as a teenager, and as a grown up I did my best most periods of my life to run maybe 2-4 times per week between 30 to 45 minutes when doing my best always giving everything I had with every minute being a pain to come through with one hour as the longest run as my record, which was COMPLETELY breaking me down, and I remember once in 1993, where my lack of energy when running for only ONCE in my life was removed (!), when I was so surprised that I could run for 1 hour and 45 minutes without any problems at all as I have NEVER been able to run before with the feeling that I could have run MUCH longer if I had decided not to stop. I don’t understand that people feel it is difficult to run when you have this amount of energy as I only experienced once, and ALL of the other times were a PAIN for me to come through, and we speak of hundreds or maybe thousands of times running.

This is how much energy other people receive, and I remember two full days given to me when I was working for Fair Insurance maybe in 2004, which was a revelation to me, where I felt that I received “normal energy” as everyone else, which to me was an enormous amount of energy making me HAPPY and feeling “invincible” as NEVER before (!), where I did not feel the least tired – as I had always done before and even more afterwards – and it made me in such good mood and feeling so strong that I thought “if this is how people normally feel, I don’t understand why anyone can be lazy” and this was to tell me that all of my life, I have received much less energy than other people and still I have worked harder than most and you know I have had the feeling that I have worked hard to be a generator bringing energy to the world with the generator itself about to break down most of my life, but it held!

________________________________________________________________________

The Devil TORMENTED me to destruct the world

Read this, the next page of my sufferings here. ________________________________________________________________________

This website was first published November 12, 2011, and has since been updated few times.

________________________________________________________________________